Super-Powers of the Bible

Bleh… I’m not feeling well this morning. It probably has to do with a the fact that Catherine and I haven’t been getting much sleep lately because Noah is trying to get back into his sleep schedule. The trip to Calgary last week really messed with his sked and now mom & dad are taking the brunt of the sked. Also, I think I’m coming down with a cold. I played floor hockey last night and walked home afterward. Even though it’s not far for me to walk, I think the mixture of sweat and cold night air didn’t mix well with me. I couldn’t’ even stay up for HEROES I was tired! Oh well, I’ll have to d/l it tonight.

I’ve been struggling with HEROES this season; there’s so much going on and so many characters to follow. It’s starting to become more like your average day-time soap but with electricity , time/space manipulation , and the cutting off of heads . Oh, and characters who don’t belong . Then again, day-time soaps have those too. But, it got me thinking this morning, “what if people in the Bible had super-powers”? Then I thought, “I guess in a way they did. Jesus had super-powers and God passed his super-powers onto other people”. Then I thought again, “this calls for a list”. Get our your Bibles and prepare to do a small bit of reading. Here’re some examples of some of the coolest super-powers found in the Bible:

The Conjuring of Bears: 2 Kings 2:23-25 – some youth start to poke fun at Elisha so he puts a curse on them; a curse that would have two bears appear out of nowhere and maul 42 mouthy kids. Take that you tight-jean-wearing, emo kids!

The Staff of Moses: Exodus 7:10-12 – neat. This staff could turn into snakes and eat other staffs/snakes. Cool. This staff could do a few other small feats like turn water into blood, part seas, make frogs grow from the earth, and also control the weather. If I owned this staff, there’d be no more snow. And, the Peticodiac would become that of Grape Koool-Aid

Health by Fashion: Mark 5:25-35 – a woman suffering from hemophelia who was too ill to elbow her way through a crowd of people to see Jesus, thought to herself, “if I just touch his robe, I will be healed”. Surely enough, the woman stretched out and caught a nibble of Jesus’ robe. Jesus sensed the touch and told her that because of her faith, she’d been healed. Neat. If our TWLOHA shirts could all do that, life would be so much more healthy, am I right?

Demon-pigs: Matthew 8:30-32 – I’ve got mixed emotions on this one. On the one hand, it would be fun to single-handedly drive out demons from friends and family and into the closest livestock. Demons, and the grips they have on our sins, suck. But on the other hand, why take it out on the pigs? If we had no pigs, we’d have no bacon. That would definitely suck.

Lion Meat: Judges 14:5-6 – “The Spirit of the LORD came upon him (Samson) in power so that he tore the lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat.” Enough said.

Water into Wine: John 2:1-11 – Jesus makes a big splash at a wedding turning the water into wine. This is two-fold. For the wine connoisseur, it’d be a helpful way to smell, stir, and swish to your hearts desire. But alcoholism would also be up 400%.

Balaam’s Ass speaks: Numbers 22:21-35 – Ok, maybe I was just looking for an excuse to say “ass", but Balaam deserves some cred because I imagine it’s where DreamWorks got the idea for Donkey .

Raising an army of dead: Ezekiel 37: 1-14 – Just think of what it could do to the war on terror… it would bring new meaning to "beating a dead horse".

Confusion and Coals: Isaiah 6:1-8 – The presence of God is like a rubix cube. You really gotta sit down, concentrate, and unpack what you’re looking at. Then, all of a sudden, BAM! Someone burns your mouth like a hot pan of sizzling fajita meat.

Of course there're a lot more miracles & feats in the Bible. I guess I'd be foolish to not mention Jesus taking a crazy beating and then raising himself from the dead. Sounds kind of like Claire Bennet , but without the "saving humanity" and "defeating Satan" part.