Moral Inspiration from my Homeless Brother

I’m sure most of you know some of the story about my brother, Mark, whose been living on the street for 14 years. But for those of you who don’t know about Mark, here’s a very small look into his story.

Mark is 29 years old, adopted three years before me. We’re not blood related, but were both adopted from the same agency in Halifax, NS. From a very early age, my parents noticed Mark was quite the angry and troubled little boy. Though he had a million dollar smile and playful attitude, he was always getting into trouble managed to always find himself in the wrong crowd. Or, maybe more appropriately, Mark was the wrong crowd. Either way, despite my parents’ never-ending love, care, and nurturing for Mark, he managed to find himself in and out of juvenile jails and children’s discipline homes. Mark couldn’t follow directions or take authority which made him a failure both in school and at home. As a child, he was violent (more verbally than physically) and threw uncontrollable tantrums when he didn’t get his own way. He was impossible to live with.

When I was 12, my family and I were on vacation when Mark decided he wanted to be dropped off at the closest bus station so he could leave home; he wanted nothing to do with us. I can’t remember the circumstances or why my parents succumbed to his asinine request, but he didn’t take no for an answer and we eventually landed at a bus station where Mark walked out of the car with a limited goodbye to hitch a ride with a trucker. He was 15 years old. I’ve only seen him 3 times within the last 14 years. Last weekend was one of those time and the first in 8 years.

I was in Halifax playing for worship leader Tim Milner on a worship-workshop tour. Though I’ve been talking to Mark over the phone more frequently over the past few months, Mark happened to be in Halifax that night so my father and I decided to take Mark out for a late supper. This is my experience:

Dad and I told Mark we’d meet him at McDonalds on Spring Garden Rd. As we approached the McDonalds, we noticed a man dressed in yellow rainpants, a dirty red hoody, stained white vest and giant backpack stumbling in the middle of the busy street. The man was obviously drunk as he meandered the busy Halifax strip. My dad pointed out to me that it was Mark. I couldn’t help but laugh as he yelled at people for money and played air-drums to his maxed-out cassette player. Mark hasn’t seen me in many years, so I figured I’d take advantage of the situation.

“Get off the street, ya bum!”
“F*** you”
“I mean it, get off the street.”
Mark finally locked eyes with me and stumbled closer. “Who the f*** are you to talk to me like that?”
“You mean you don’t know who I am?”
“No. Who the f*** are you?”
It’s obvious to me that even though Mark realized he was meeting with me tonight, he still had no sweet clue who I was, even with Dad beside me. I pointed at Dad and asked, “does he give you a hint?”
“No. I don’t know who the f*** that old fart is.”
“You don’t recognize your own dad?”

Mark squinted at Dad with glazed & dilated eyes. “Dad!”, he said and lunged in for a hug. Still, Mark looked at me momentarily trying to put together the pieces through his drunken stupor. Finally it dawned no him who I was. His jaw dropped, he covered his mouth with his hands and stared at me. It was one of the only times in my life that I’ve seen Mark vulnerable. Tears filled his eyes. He quietly stared at me for 20 or 30 seconds on the sidewalk until I finally ended the awkwardness with a hug. He was remarkably strong. Both his arms and back were pure muscle, which surprised me. He smelled of alcohol and dirty socks (which also didn’t surprise me). We finally ushered him into the McDonalds to get some food.

As Dad got him a Big Mac meal (to which he was very appreciative), Mark went on and on about how surprised he was and how much I’d changed. 8 years is a long time, I suppose. He hugged me over the table many times and even kissed my cheek and hands on several occasions. He began to tell me his reason for his Halifax visit. He had a friend who was going to help him with some “dental problems”. I was a bit perplexed because there was no way he could afford dental work with spare change and squeegee money. I can only assume alcohol, drugs and a pair of rusty pliers were involved.

The three of us talked for about an hour while Mark noisily ate his Big Mac meal. Mark never had great table manners and always disgusted me with the way he chewed with his mouth wide open. I digress. Having a conversation with a drunken, estranged brother is interesting, scary, and a bit embarrassing I will admit. But, I was surprised by a few things Mark shared. Let me share some tidbits of “moral encouragement” he shared with us through his drunken state... (*note: living on the streets for as long as Mark has is case for major potty-mouth. I've done my best to eliminate most curse words and replaced them with asterisks; this is a family show).

1) Street-smart people can be just as intelligent as book-smart people - I mentioned before that Mark never made it past Grade 8; he’s not a very smart fella. However, those who live on the street are ultra street-smart (especially 14-year veterans). I must mention that Mark has been everywhere in North America simply by hitchhiking and jumping trains. Everywhere. California, Vancouver, NFLD, Florida. Pretty much the 4 corners of Canada and the US (he even made it halfway to Cuba on a boat, but got turned around to a Miami jail). He has impeccable understanding of geography and travel. Also, he’s had guns to his head from drug dealers, been found overdosed in crack-houses, has some pretty bad teeth, been in and out of jail many times for many crimes, has been beaten up, and is infected with two of the three Hepatitis infections. I wondered how he’s managed to stay alive all this time. So, I asked. Mark’s answer? “I’m street savvy. I don’t f*** around.” Mark called himself street "savvy” which was not a word I thought I’d hear from his vocabulary primarily filled with four-letter-words, subtle asides, and the odd racial slur. "You've gotta know your s***, you've gotta know your friends, and you've gotta know your enemies. You need to know what you want, where you're going, and who you are. If not, you're f***ed. I guess that's applicaable for all of us. He ned to find ourseleves in God's plan, who we are in Him, and where he wants us to go.

2) Wanted by an unwanted God - “And you know what else? I think God looks after me.” Mark speaks of the time he “dropped his 40” while skateboarding. When it hit the ground, it didn’t break. Mark believes that was providential. Or the time he prayed to God for $20 to get something to eat and a couple in a van stopped and gave him a twenty dollar bill and told him, “Jesus loves you”. Mark admits, “I don’t believe in religion much and I don’t believe religion is good, but God still f***ing looks after me.”

But, despite a poor recognition of who God is, isn’t that true? No matter how much attention we’re giving God (or lack thereof), no matter how much love we’re giving him (or lack thereof), no matter the prayers we may or may not be offering, no matter the glory, honor, and praise He deserves, God still looks out for us. He still loves us despite our sin/despite our lives/despite us.

2) An emphasis on drugs, education, and dental hygiene – who says homeless drug addicts don’t have morals? Mark tells me that when he’s pan-handling for money, his message to young people who pass him by is: “Hey kids. Don’t forget to stay in school, brush your teeth, and where a condom. Just look at where it got me.” That’s humorous, I don’t care who you are but when you really look at this, it’s interesting to see that Mark is well aware of his state, both physically and mentally. While Mark is in full realization of his life and where it is, he says he still enjoys travelling and going the places he’s going. However, I believe he has the want and need clean his life up, but I think he lacks the will power to do it. He can look back at his life and pinpoint the moments that have changed him; he recognizes those moments as mistakes and wrong choices and wants others to recognize them as just that. Yet, he will not apologize for those choices.

3) We are who we are made to be - “I am who I am and I don’t f***ing care what people think.” Mark believes that. And while I tell him I believe it’s not who God intends him to be, Mark would never change because somebody else wants him to. Mark wants to change on his own terms, in his own time. Trouble is, I think his time is coming closer than he thinks. Mark thinks he’s invincible. He’s not. Neither am I. Neither are you. We live in an evil world and Satan is everywhere, ready and willing to attack and tempt us with whatever he can whenever he can. But, we need to be the people God calls us to be, not the people we want to be. We are created in His image. While Mark is proud of who he is and how far he’s come from, we (as Christians) need to be bold in who we are; how people see us. I am a Christian and I don’t care what the world thinks. I am who God made me and although I’m changing and trying to be a better person, I am who I am and God still loves me.

4) Doing what you love - "Whatever you do in your life, make sure you love it and don't f*** that s*** up". This was one of Mark's more sentimental moments at our reunion as he talked about how much he enjoyed living the lifestyle he's living. Not so much the addiction and physical condition he's in, but the traveling, exploring, people he's met, and places he's been. Even he admitted that you won't find many 29 year olds still alive who have been to as many places and seen as many things as he has. He's been to every Canadian province (excluding territories) and almost every U.S. state. He even ventured into Mexico and snuck on a boat going to Cuba, but was caught halfway and taken back to a Miami jail. He's escaped a drug-induced coma, been held at gun-point, witnessed a friend die in a car crash, and has had more warrants out for his arrest than Jesse James (mostly for petty misdemeanor offences).

But under the rough exterior, Mark hits a valid point here. I've blogged many times before abuot how God wants to give us teh desires of our hearts and that he's created us for His specific purposes. We need to enjoy and love what we do. Why? Because He's put us where we are for a reason. He's created us to His work. We cannot abuse or mistreat the blessings He's bestowed on us. We cannot mess up the will of God and its impact on our lives.

Let me end by saying this.
I do not condone my brothers' actions. I do not care for his decisions, his language, his lifestyle, or who he has become. I find it hard to love him. But I do love him. I believe that Satan has a tight grip on him. I believe there are demons that infiltrate his body and I believe they mock me. I often believe that Mark will never get to a place where he's healthy, whether physically, mentally, or spiritually. However, I also believe our God is bigger than all of those things. I believe in the power of prayer and I believe that the name of Jesus alone can bind and render all evil in Mark's life. I hope you can pray for my family as we struggle to find meaning in Mark's circumstance. Pray for me as I struggle to believe he'll ever clean his life up. Pray for Mark. After all, under all the sin, swearing, debauchery, addictions, lust, stealing, violence, and countless other evil that takes place in his life, he's just like you and I... a child in the eyes of our Heavenly Father.