Two years ago (and add another 9 months or so) I would have told you that I wasn't ready for kids, that I was too young for the responsibility of taking care of another human. In fact, at that time, I was probably still learning how to take care of myself and a new 5-months old puppy. Fast forward 35 months, Catherine and I are watching a "Thomas the Tank Engine" DVD with my 2-year-old son, Noah. We're coming off of the (sugar) high of another birthday and the low of stepping into the inevitable "terrible twos".
I couldn't be happier.
Now, if you would have asked me 9th months ago about having a second child I would have laughed and said we were going to wait until Noah was starting school. Fast-forward 3 weeks and we'll be welcoming a new baby boy into our lives... again. We're praying for a healthy, safe delivery for both Mommy & Baby and Noah is getting excited with the thought of having a brother. It's really quite nerve-wracking, the thought that God has entrusted us with another human. We must be doing something right (other than successfully closing the deal on conception, of course). Everyone says that "everything changes" when you have the second child. I don't doubt it. Things changed with Noah and they'll change with our new son three-fold.
I could be more excited.
For the past few weeks, our small-group has been watching/talking about a series on Jesus' Prodigal Son parable. Save God's own image and example of being "Father" to all, the father in the parable is whom I want to strive to be. Maybe not now. My son is still trying to make coherent sentences, let alone decisions to take his inheritance and waste it on booze and hookers. But when my boys are old enough to make those kinds of decisions, I want to be the father who loves them anyway; no matter what. Like Isaiah 38:19b: "fathers tell their children about (God's) faithfulness".
When I think about being that father, I look at my own life and wonder if what I'm doing, who I am, and where I'm going is consistent with my abilities to be a good father, husband. That's when I really want to change the way I do things. I guess you've got to learn to love yourself before you can love others. When my kids are old enough to understand and live out the life of a Christian, I want make sure I've got my own spiritual things in order. I want to know I am intentionally wanting to learn more each day from God's word. I want to know that I am following God's will for my life. I want to know I'm using my gifts & abilities in the way He wants them used. I want to know my life is daily being thrown on the alter as an offering for him. I want my life to exemplify the life of the Father with the two lost sons; willing, ready, and able to love both no matter what.
Being that kind of Father is difficult. Consistent. Devout. Serving. Set. Wise. Firm. Accountable. Dependable. Loving. Nurturing. Strong. Patient. But, it's possible.
I guess I better get to work, huh?
