Arts vs. Ministry: Part 10 - Baby Blue Prints

So, it’s probably not news to many who know me personally, but Catherine and I are now expecting our second child. While it did come to us as a surprise last Monday, part of me said “it figures”. Another child was in our own plans for the future, but not this soon. At a point where it felt Catherine and I were making some progress on where our lives may have been taking us next, God throws us a curve ball.

He does that.

We to realize it’s just another part of the journey; another thing God is preparing us with. Another responsibility he’s blessing us with. He does that.

Of course, this is where the old adage “all in God’s timing” comes in. I’m semi-grateful for that because I'm always keen to understood His timing. I always thought that the whole desires of our hearts verse had a sense of immediacy to it. I was wrong. “Trust in Him and He will do this” does not mean God will provide my desires as soon as I find myself in a place of delighting, obeying, and pleasing Him. Rather, as you continue to read Psalm 37, the promise of God fulfilling your desires requires more thought and duty: “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways…” ("37:7a"). I am impatient and sometimes envious of others.

I’m sure a lot of people share these same feelings, but when you see someone with something you like/love and want/need, and begin to long for it, that is envy. If it gets out of hand to where those things become something to replace more important things in your life, it becomes idolatry. For example, I’ve got a number of friends who are in positions or situations I wish I could be in. Either playing music for a living or are in a creative/musical environment that I wish I could be involved in. Sometimes I envy that. For example, a couple of weeks ago, I got asked by an old friend in Calgary to move there so I can be apart of a musical project. It’s with a country artist who’s expected to be the ‘next big thing’. A few months before this, it was suggested by another friend that I be apart of another musical project which would also require a move to Calgary. While that sounds fun and exciting, it’s another thing to get up and move my family across the country to an enormous city where the cost of living is 4x as much as it is here in Moncton. Even without these opportunities for me, Calgary seemed very intriguing to Catherine and I. Her sisters both live there, we have many close friends there from our University days, there’s more opportunity for Catherine in her field of work (at twice the salary), and we just love the city. I won’t even mention it’s the home of my favorite sports team. But is this what God wants us to do and where He wants us to go? I wish it were as easy to say “yes, we’ll move to Calgary and all our dreams will comes true”. But here’s where our struggle lies… Is God slowly and subtly showing us a new plan for our lives by tickling our fancies or are our own ambitions and desires overshadowing another plan He has for us? After all, God wants to give us the desires of our hearts… right?

Sometimes, it’s hard to see the things that you desire and long for coming to fruition in the lives of others. But, it’s no secret God has different plans for each of our lives. God knows what is best for our own lives and gives us blessing upon what we’re capable of handling. We are told to "guard well" the things God has entrusted us with. Blessing just doesn’t stop with what’s been given to us. We are also supposed to use those blessings to keep giving glory, honor, and praise to Him. I’ve always maintained that wherever He leads, I will be quick to follow. Whatever cards I’m dealt, I’ll play. Whatever I’m given, I’ll be happy with. It's hard sometimes, but I try.

While the prospect of another new human in the house and both exciting and terrifying, I cannot let myself believe it changes God’s plan for our lives. Rather, it’s another way that God shows us His good and perfect will for our lives. Another child further expands our usefulness for sharing God’s love and faithfulness. It doesn’t change God’s plan for us; it just alters our own view of what that plan is for us. I still believe the things we long for will come to fruition, but not in our timing, not in our desired moment, nor in our own blue-print.

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I must add, now that I've read over this, that I am not ungrateful or dissapointed with the arrival of a new baby no matter how scary and trying it will be. While I will not argue that being a parent is often frustrating and exhausting, watching Noah from day 1 to day 511 has been an absolute, pure joy and there's no explanation to how much happiness he brings to our lives on a daily basis. I can honestly say I look forward to see that happen in another child we've created and seeing God's process work in our ever-expanding family.

Art vs. Ministry: Part 8 (a turning point?)

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog… or at least a blog that actually means something to the whole point of this blogsite. While I have thrown in a few words here or there or a video just to let anyone (who might read this) know I’m still alive, I’ve also been very reflective lately and have been really looking into my “Arts vs. Ministry” debate.
Without getting into too many details (since I don’t know all of them myself), I’ll say that I’ve recently been offered an opportunity that has struck interest in me. The opportunity that presents itself requires not only some serious soul-searching but probably includes some changes that’d affect my families current financial, social, and geographic situations. While I can’t say if those would be good or bad things (ignorance is bliss?), they are changes that test your faith and devotion to seeking out God’s will. And, that’s what this whole thing is about: finding and knowing God’s will. Let me flesh my thoughts out for you and fill you in on where I’m coming from.

Over the past few weeks and months, many of my friends have been given some very important and exciting opportunities. Some are venturing into new ministry positions, some are stepping out in faith and making big changes to follow their God-given dreams, some are moving across the country to follow God’s will even though they’re not sure why He’s called them there, and some have had God reveal totally new visions of ministry and impact on their lives. First, let me say that this excites me. Each one of these situations excites me immensely and I’m so happy to see their dependence on Him for finding God’s truth in their lives. Secondly, however, it depresses me. Not only because I hate to see close friends move away or expand physical distance between us, but more so because it seems that I am running to stand still. People are moving on and I am not. I'm still selling bearings and other industrial goods while people are cautiously following His way for them. This frustrates me, yet it has nothing to do with those people at all. Am I not seeking God’s will the right way? Am I not God-ly enough? Am I not reading His Word enough? Do I not pray enough? Am I not willing to step out in faith? Do I not trust my own instincts? Am I ignoring the Spirit’s guidance? I can’t convincingly answer any those questions for myself. I do not believe there is one singular, concrete way for one to find God’s will for their own life. I do, however, believe it is always attained by reading His word, fervently praying, and being mindful of God using certain people and situations to direct that way. It just happens to come differently for each person at different times. I believe I had one of those “situations” the other day in the form of a comment my wife made…

Though this conversation is paraphrased, Catherine and I were talking about God’s will for our lives and she asked me, for her own clarification, what “Jamie” wanted; what I desired. My answer was a conservative, “to either be playing in a band or have a position as a worship pastor”. That wasn’t good enough for her. She continued, “What do YOU want?”
I began to understand what she was getting at. “I want to be playing music. I want to be part of a creative group of musicians who are using their abilities to glorify God.” Catherine gave me a whole new set of questions to think about: Am I trying to be worship leader because it’s easier (to get a job or sustainable paycheck)? Am I just trying to please other people (my wife, my family, my church) and before myself? Just because I enjoy leading worship and enjoy being apart of worship ministry, does that mean I’m meant for it? Can my desire to be an artist/successful musician truly contain the aspects of ministry I long to be fruitful in?

This past weekend, I got an opportunity to travel down to Oxford, NS and watch a group of friends put on a concert at the Nazarene May Rally. I got to have some great conversation with some of the guys before & after and got a glimpse of what God is doing in their own band & lives. It was great to hear God is testing their faith and moving them into a direction that is difficult, but also hopeful and exciting. God isn’t promising them riches nor a multi-album contract deal, but rather the assurance they’re following His will and He will bless them from there. That, to me, would be more rewarding than money and records. These guys are stepping out in faith to take their God-given and God-glorifying art to where God wants it to grow and continue. That’s exciting.

So where does this lead me? Well, I’m not exactly sure, but I believe that I’m a little bit closer to where I should be. As I daily try to become closer to God, both in prayer and in the Word, I am encouraged when I apply these questions to some of the promises we find in God’s Word:
John 16:13 - "However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for he will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come."
Proverbs 3:6 – “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
Isaiah 30:20, 21 – “Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
Luke 11:9-10 - "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."
Psalm 37:23 – “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord..."

I believe the day is near where God will reveal His way to Catherine and I. I believe that while we seek His will, he will bless us with great opportunity where we’re both using our gifts and abilities to give glory to Him. Whether that’s a ministry, a band, or a job at a toothpaste factory, I long for Him to speak into my life, change me, and use me to help change others. As I’ve heard prayed many times, “where He leads, I’ll be quick to follow.”

Please pray for Catherine and I (and Noah and Morris too) as we seek for God’s perfect direction for our lives; whatever, wherever, however… we want to know His purpose for us.

So, how about you? Have you ever caught yourself trying to be someone or do something that God hasn't necessarily planned to to be/do? Have you followed alternative options because you didn't think your desires were God's desires for you?