Finding It Hard to Love Your Kids

For those that know me well, you’ll probably know I’m a pretty laid back person. However, that doesn’t mean I have the patience of a saint. Fact is, for certain things, I have little-to-no patience; long lineups, slow computers, traffic, and “know-it-alls”. But more than all of these things (to which most of us have no patience for anyway) is kids. I have no patience for rebellious, defiant, degenerate, kids and teenagers. Probably why God never called me to youth ministry. My own kids are not immune. Even though Noah & Aaron are both under the age of three, my patience can also sometimes wears thin with them. Now let me preface by saying I love my kids more than anything and I do not find it hard to love them. It was actually quite easy starting from the moment they were born. Being a father is a pure joy and totally rewarding. I mean that. But that doesn’t mean it’s all fun and games.

My two year old, Noah, is a bright, funny, and happy kid. We love him like crazy and he brings us all kinds of joy. However he’s at that stage in his life where he likes to test Mommy and Daddy’s warnings, gets into things he’s not supposed to, eat things he’s not supposed to, throws a temper when he doesn’t get his way, hits, and often does the complete opposite of what you ask him. Even my 6 month old, Aaron, can be a bit frustrating when all he wants is his mommy’s attention 24-hours a day. Now, all that being said, I do realize that these are stages that all children go through. All children. In fact, it’s these stages that help children learn crucial mental and emotional developmental skills and lessons. That doesn't mean it’s not discouraging, frustrating, or feel like just cause for murder.

Sometimes a learning process for Noah becomes a test of patience for daddy. There’s something in me that just doesn’t comprehend how one cannot learn and understand on initial counsel. Why does Noah still attempt to ride our dog, Morris, like a horse when he’s been told a million times not to? Why does he continue to throw his food on the floor when he’s not happy with the choice of condiment? Why can’t he just wake up one morning and decide to use the potty, doing away with diapers forever? Why not go to bed at 8pm and wake up at 8am like we’ve asked him to?
Is it a physical hearing problem? Of course not.
Is it selective hearing? Maybe.
Is he just a bad kid? Absolutely not.
Then what is it?

I was pondering all this the other day and asked myself, “why do I sometimes find it so hard to love my kids?”. I began to think of my own childhood/teenage years and I began to ask myself how my parents loved me through all the crap I had done. Multiple “principal’s office” visits, greediness, vanity, smoking cigarettes, stealing money from my dad’s underwear drawer, or any other selfish act I did out of spite. Yet, my parents still loved me then as much as they do now. How'd they get through it?!

Many times in the Bible, we’re identified not only as God’s creation (Gen 1:27) but His children (Rom 8:16); His kids (1 John 3:1). I began to think about how many times, as one of His children, I’ve disappointed God; how many times I’ve made God mad. David tells us in Psalm 7:11 that, “God judges the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked every day.” Every day? Aw, man…
Yet, He loves us and He loves us like crazy. So much so, in fact, that he gave one of His own kids to prove it (John 3:16-17).

In my thoughts about being patient with my own kids, the Spirit directed me to Romans 5:8-9: "God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.” Despite God’s disappointment toward me and you and everyone else, he figured the best way to show his absolute, head-over-heals love for us was to give a big piece of Himself so that we would not lose and end up being with Him in the end.

Even though we might make it hard for God to love us at times, He understands we’re only human. He understands that we’re still growing. Our listening skills are still being shaped and our sins are just another part of our learning curve; crucial mental and emotional developmental lessons in our journey to being more like His son, Jesus. Sound familiar?

I need to take this lesson to heart when dealing with my own kids. They are still in process and learning and developing the same ways as I did. Much like my parents loved me despite my actions, much like God loves me despite my actions, I too will love my kids despite their actions.

Even so, how could you not love these faces?!

6-month old, Aaron

2 (& 1/2) year old, Noah

Strength of our Worship Teams

Psalm 19:9-14:
the fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the LORD are true, and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Who can discern his errors? Declare me innocent from hidden faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Even though my church is relatively small (about 125 people on average), we're lucky to be blessed with a number of talented musicians. Their talents are not only a blessing to the music ministry, but their lives and Christ-like attitudes are what make our music ministry great. In a word, we're "perfect". Ok, well, maybe not. We are still human... I think.

I hope!

I digress.

We’ve heard it said many times before that when a ministry is really starting to succeed and do its best work, that is when the Devil also exerts his best work. That is, in a ministry's greatest time of growth comes Satan’s greatest moments to destroy. We need to keep ourselves aware of that. We are an imperfect people; myself included. That is why we also need to be keeping ourselves away from sin, distraction, and situations that can cause wrong-doing. In order to have strong worship ministries, we need to have strong worship ministers.

I believe that sometimes there are issues in each one of our lives that we bring with us to the stage when we worship, sometimes even unconsciously. It happens. If I'm being honest, there are Sunday mornings where I do not feel like leading worship (for whatever the reason). Maybe a fight with my wife, maybe I’m upset with someone who hurt me, maybe my spiritual life had been crappy that week, maybe I'm not feeling confident in my abilities. Satan uses these thoughts to fool us. Maybe he will have us think we’re not playing well, or that we aren’t good enough, or we aren’t worthy enough. Those are called lies. But, all these things are not what worship is about… they are what worship is for. Worship is about laying aside ourselves and our “stuff” for an hour or so and leaving it with God, praising him in the good times and the bad times. Either way, Jesus wants to take our burdens from our shoulders and replace them with blessing.

Furthermore, it’s also important that we be a people that seek to be holy both on and off stage, whether at rehearsal or on the stage on Sunday morning, whether at the local pub or at our workplace. That’s not always easy but we can make sure we are doing our best as Christians to be “clean”, “true” and “righteous altogether” (v. 9). For in acting in such a way, “there is great reward” (v. 11). For our ministries, it means that whereever we are, we need to make sure we are being the same people on-stage as we are off-stage; striving to be like Christ. That means keeping our language and actions clean, respecting our spouses in every way, respecting our leadership in every way, respecting each other in every way. Doing these things is respecting God in every way. The things we say, the jokes we make, the thoughts we have, and our actions must be pleasing to God (v. 14) in order for us to succeed; in order for the Devil to fail in destroying all that our churches and ministiries have worked so hard for.

I am not writing this to point judgment at any person, any church, or any ministry in particular. I’m just as guilty as the next person. I am not immune to any of this. None of us are. As leaders of a significant part of our church culture we need to make sure we are living the way Christ intended us to. And if we’re not living in such a way, He is there to help us through and get us to where and who we need to be. So how do we do that?

Hebrews 13:1-6:
1Let brotherly love continue. 2Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. 3Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body. 4Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. 5Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." 6So we can confidently say,
"The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear;
what can man do to me?"

In order to keep our worship ministries running successfully (whatever that means) we need to be accountable for each other and ourselves. I've been struck with something as I've lead our teams over the past few weeks. The more I dig into God's Word, the more effective I am as a leader. Sure, that statement isn't rocket science but since I've been intentionally looking to God's word for guidance and direction in my life and the life of my church's music ministry, the more I've felt the Spirit lead through me and for me. I'm not saying that I've been perfect, without sin, or cleaned up my act (though I'm trying), but the Lord is starting to make me more aware of the power that His spirit holds on us and the great things that can be unleashed through it. The onus is on us to follow suit.

What Does Your Worship Cost?

I recently bought some fencing for my backyard through a connection at my work. My company supplies industrial parts for a local fencing company and I asked if he might be able to get me a deal on a 25 foot length and a gate. He said to me, "Of course. I'll see what we have lying around and put something together for you." Maybe I'm just naive, but by his tone of voice and the "wink-and-gun" he gave me, I thought that meant "free fence". The next day I got a quote. Now, I did get a good deal and still have the laborious task of putting it together, but it was not free. It cost me money. The old adage "nothing in this life is free" certainly applies here and for most aspects of our lives. This includes our worship which I've come to discover by reading 2 Samuel 24:18-26 (NIV).

David disobeyed God's orders 2 Samuel 24:1-9. To atone for that disobedience, God gives David three choices of punishments. Behind door number one, three years of famine. Door number two, three months of "fleeing from your enemies". Door number three, three days of plague on the local Israelites (24:13). David pancaked at the choices and God chose to be swift and sent a pestilence across the land for three days. 70,000 people died. Basically, my whole hometown of Moncton disappeared over under the wave of an angel's hand. Gone.

God ordered the calamity to be stopped just as the Angel was reaching Jerusalem, at the threshing grounds of Aranuah the Jebusite. A threshing floor was an open area outside a city where the edible part of a grain (or other crop) was loosened from the stalk or chaff that surrounds it. When David was asked to make a sacrifice on behalf of the people to stop the pestilence on the land, Aranuah's threshing grounds became the site of the burnt offering.

Aranuah, both surprised and excited to see the king coming to his workplace, bowed and greeted the David with astonishment:
"Why have you come here of all places?"
"To buy your stuff so I can make an appropriate sacrifice for the people."
"Pffft. You don't need to buy it. Just take my threshing floor, my tools, the oxen for the burnt offering, and wooden yokes for making a fire. They're yours! Free of charge."
Then David said something that has really stuck with me lately:
"No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God that cost me nothing. So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen and paid fifty shekels of silver for them" (v24).

I will not offer anything to God if it costs me nothing.

David could have easily accepted Aranuah's gift of items for the offering. Instead, David knew that God required more than just free stuff to ward off the plague that decimating the people. There wouldn't have been any honor, price, or sacrifice in burning somebody else's precious commodities. Instead, he declined the gift and gave 50 shekels of silver for the pieces necessary for proper sacrifice. King David likely had everything he's ever needed. He was given all prestige and respect by his people. Yet he was humble enough to know his own King, God, deserved more; a true offering of value that costs something.

Not only have I been trying to live that out in my life, but I've been really trying to live that out as a worship leader. Whether you're leading a congregation in worship or you're a part of the band, what does it cost you to worship your God? I'm not talking about the cost of that cool guitar pedal or preamp you just bought. Ask yourself...
What is my sacrifice as I lead today?
What am I leaving behind as I lead others?
What am I leaving out as I lead others?
What is it that I've been wanting to add to the worship experience that I've been scared to do before?
What do I really want to say or do as I worship?
How do I honestly feel about my God this morning?
How can I challenge myself or the congregation?

It's so easy for leaders and musicians to strap on their instruments each week and just play. I've done it for many years. Last Sunday, I decided that I wasn't going to let my self-consciousness or my pride hinder what I do as a leader. I wasn't going to follow the service order. I wasn't going to be distracted by what people thought of my vocals. I was not going to let how others were (or were not) worshipping affect that way I worshipped. I was going to play guitar like it is the gift that was given to me. Because I did that, something cool happened. I felt the Spirit work through me. The Holy Ghosts became a tangible presence to me. My worship felt true and accepted. That felt awesome and it didn't cost me a cent; just some possible embarrassment and my pride. As a Mastercard PR might say, my experience was "priceless".

What sacrifices are you making when you lead? What does your worship cost you?

Being the Fathers' kind of father.

Two years ago (and add another 9 months or so) I would have told you that I wasn't ready for kids, that I was too young for the responsibility of taking care of another human. In fact, at that time, I was probably still learning how to take care of myself and a new 5-months old puppy. Fast forward 35 months, Catherine and I are watching a "Thomas the Tank Engine" DVD with my 2-year-old son, Noah. We're coming off of the (sugar) high of another birthday and the low of stepping into the inevitable "terrible twos".

I couldn't be happier.

Now, if you would have asked me 9th months ago about having a second child I would have laughed and said we were going to wait until Noah was starting school. Fast-forward 3 weeks and we'll be welcoming a new baby boy into our lives... again. We're praying for a healthy, safe delivery for both Mommy & Baby and Noah is getting excited with the thought of having a brother. It's really quite nerve-wracking, the thought that God has entrusted us with another human. We must be doing something right (other than successfully closing the deal on conception, of course). Everyone says that "everything changes" when you have the second child. I don't doubt it. Things changed with Noah and they'll change with our new son three-fold.

I could be more excited.

For the past few weeks, our small-group has been watching/talking about a series on Jesus' Prodigal Son parable. Save God's own image and example of being "Father" to all, the father in the parable is whom I want to strive to be. Maybe not now. My son is still trying to make coherent sentences, let alone decisions to take his inheritance and waste it on booze and hookers. But when my boys are old enough to make those kinds of decisions, I want to be the father who loves them anyway; no matter what. Like Isaiah 38:19b: "fathers tell their children about (God's) faithfulness".

When I think about being that father, I look at my own life and wonder if what I'm doing, who I am, and where I'm going is consistent with my abilities to be a good father, husband. That's when I really want to change the way I do things. I guess you've got to learn to love yourself before you can love others. When my kids are old enough to understand and live out the life of a Christian, I want make sure I've got my own spiritual things in order. I want to know I am intentionally wanting to learn more each day from God's word. I want to know that I am following God's will for my life. I want to know I'm using my gifts & abilities in the way He wants them used. I want to know my life is daily being thrown on the alter as an offering for him. I want my life to exemplify the life of the Father with the two lost sons; willing, ready, and able to love both no matter what.

Being that kind of Father is difficult. Consistent. Devout. Serving. Set. Wise. Firm. Accountable. Dependable. Loving. Nurturing. Strong. Patient. But, it's possible.

I guess I better get to work, huh?

Speaking to the Deaf

Today at work, I served an older deaf man whom came in to my workplace looking to buy some bearings. The man came in, unloaded some broken pieces and parts of whatever he was working on onto the counter and started pointing. At this point, I didn't know he was deaf (deaf people don't look any different, apparently). I started to ask some questions about what exactly he wanted and he continued to glare at me and point at broken pieces. This went on for 30 seconds or so until he angrily grunted, whined, and frantically shove pieces together in an attempt to show me what he needed. I still didn't understand what he wanted at this point, but I did then realize he was either mute, deaf, or both. A few moments later, his friend walked in and tried to translate for me. However, there was more communication breakdown as I found out the deaf man didn't read lips, didn't know sign language, and both gentlemen spoke very little English. After much deliberation, I found the parts the man needed, but didn't have them in stock. The deaf man probably left as frustrated as I was.

I went back to my desk and complained to my associate about the deaf man's inability to communicate despite his aural disability. I then began to think about my own communication skills and what the man might have thought about my attempt to find the man's needs. I can't imagine I was any more sympathetic to him than he would have been to me. Was I being a good listener? Despite several frantic attempts to get my attention, we never quite ended up on the same wavelength nor was I able to help him in an efficient manner.

Then I began to wonder if God gets that easily frustrated with us. We point to the broken pieces in our lives. We stare at an invisible God with glazed eyes and frantically show Him what we want. We ask simple questions. We mumble our prayers. We don't read God's mind and sometimes we don't even speak His language. Sometimes, we are a deaf people, quiet to our own God's ears. Sometimes it feels our message just doesn't get through.

Yet, God is not deaf. He speaks our language. He hears our prayers. He answers our prayers. That's when we need to realize that God doesn't need to be told what our problems are; he knows them. He doesn't need us point our fingers; he knows where the problem really is. He loves us that much. God sent His son Jesus to understand us better; to feel and experience exactly what we do. Think of Jesus' experience in the Garden of Gethsemane. He struggled to make sense of his story. He assumed the beatings, the humiliation, the pain, the death and practically begged for their to "be another way". But, there wasn't. Though Jesus wept, prayed, pointed fingers, struggled, His voice did not go unheard. His Father heard every word, but Jesus' story went on.

His story = history.

And so does ours. We're not always going to get the results we want. We are not always going to get the answers we want. We cannot demand or expect anything from God. Rather, he demands and expects from us. Unanswered questions, unaccomplished attempts at our own dreams, and unfulfilled situations are all a part of our story. We're called to be a listening people. "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me" (John 10:27). Though God wants to hear our requests from our own lips, He knows our real needs, desires, and answers. We will not hear His word to us if we're always talking, asking, inquiring, and demanding from Him.

This is where the Holy Spirit comes in handy. The Spirit is the fine line between asking and demanding; talking and listening. I didn't have a "spirit" or interpreter between the old deaf man and myself. If I did, things would have been a lot smoother. But God gives us the Holy Spirit as a catalyst for communication with Him. Not only does the Holy Spirit send our "message" to God, but t also returns the favour.

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you" (John 14:16-17).

So when we're fighting or struggling with an issue, talk it out with God but don't forget to let Him speak back. Because if we're doing all the talking and not listening for any of His wisdom, we might as well be speaking to the deaf.